Granny’s in the Men’s Room

Illustrations by Ireland.


​Inspired by Courtney
Penned by C. Allen Benson


Granny’s in the MEN’S ROOM
And all is not right
She’s locked the door twice
And turned off the lights


She was sitting here quietly
Not making a peep
When up she jumped high
In a gargantuan leap

She came down with a thud
Outside the Men’s John
Leaped head-first inside
And then she was gone


The door slammed so loudly
I slid outta my chair
Grandpa’s dentures fell out
Causing people to stare


My Lord and by-gosh.
What was that all about?
“Granny’s in the wrong shitter.”
Grandpa bellowed it out.


The minutes ticked by
Two hours came next
A community of bladders
became painfully stretched


“It says “MEN” on the door.
Or didn’t you see?
There’s a line out here Granny.
We all need to pee.”


We yelled and cajoled.
“Granny git on out here.
There’s people to see.
And yes…WE GOT BEER!”


It’s Christmas Eve, Granny.
You got presents to open.
The mistletoe’s hanging,
And Grandpa is hoping.


That you’ll come on out,
And give him a hug.
He’s combed his white hair,
And wiped his beer mug.


The door finally openedMen'sBR1-G
Dear ole Granny stepped forward
With a smile on her face
And a smudge on her forehead


“It’s been days since I pooped.
I knew something weren’t right.
‘Cause my hearing aid died too,
On the first poop-less night.


It hit me while-a-go,
Just what my problem was.
When, after the third beer,
My butt started to buzz.


The battery in my hearing aid,
Use to do the same thing.
When it started to die,
And needed a change.”


She explained it to us all
And it was Granny’s own story
The day her hearing aid got swapped
With her brand new suppository






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